Fear of Relaxing: Feel Like You’re Losing Control?

Does this scenario sound familiar to you: you’re organizing tasks, people or events and feeling a little anxious about how things will turn out. You think something bad might happen that will mess up your master plan. A well-meaning friend tells you to “relaaax”, followed by “it will turn out fine”.

Your friend is trying to reassure you. Do you agree that they're right, drop what you’re doing and decide to chill out? Or are you irritated at the thought of taking a break? Does fear of relaxing make you feel like you're losing control? How can you turn well-intentioned yet annoying advice into genuine self-care? The following three steps can help!

Step 1: Empathy

The reason that the suggestion to relax was so annoying was because the person who gave the advice did not start with empathy. When you don’t receive the empathy you need from others, show empathy to yourself by acknowledging your own feelings. Empathize with “I am feeling stressed because I don’t like the feeling of losing control”. Give yourself a moment to stay with that feeling. Once you’ve acknowledged your current feelings, you can start to move on to feeling something different.

Step 2: Awareness

When you experience the fear of losing control, observe how this is affecting you. What emotions come up for you? If you find it difficult to let go, question what the reasons could be. The answers may not come right away, but challenging your desire for control is the first step to letting go of it.

Step 3: Change

When you fear uncertainty, the traits of humility, curiosity and trust can help. They can help you explore the idea of letting go of the need to be in control. Try asking for help. Or, decide that what you thought was important might not be a top priority after all.

Does fear of relaxing make you feel like you're losing control?

Changing behaviour patterns is an ongoing journey. It starts with an intention to try something new. Letting go may feel scary at first. Repeat the empathy step to acknowledge that when you’re out of your comfort zone, it’s normal to feel uneasy. Relaxing may feel awkward at first. Be patient with yourself. With repeated practice, your decision to let go of self-imposed burdens can be incredibly liberating!